The Divine Law of the Great Chair.

Here’s a radical notion: what if you really liked, even outright adored every material thing in your own life? What if the quality, shape, color, function, and feel of the things you owned gave you satisfaction, pride, and delight?

Carrie was an interior designer for years. Many a time she’d come across people who were holding on to futons and tired old chairs long after University days has passed.
“Get rid of it,” she’d advise.
“Well, we hate it, but we really need it.”
“Get rid of it.”

Enter, The Divine Law of The Great Chair. When you let go of things you don’t love, you create space for things that you do love to show up. EVEN IF: it’s “useful”, it’s filling an “empty” place, it was a gift, it was inherited, expensive, imported, exotic, or you truly loved it once upon a time -– if you don’t like something in your space, it’s dragging you down. This isn’t about old, or new, or what you can afford – this is about how STUFF makes you FEEL.

THIS WEEK: Identify the “old chair(s)” in your life that you’re making do with, and get rid of it. You may have to sit on floor cushions for while, but you’ll be dwelling in possibility – instead of compromise and regret.

And you know what’ll happen? The “Great Chair” you desire will show up. Your neighbor will be getting rid of a chair they don’t like (because they also read Friday Focus,) and it’ll be the Great Chair of your dreams. Or you’ll get a raise next week and treat yourself to…a new Great Chair. Or you’ll find it on a road trip…finally! Your Great Chair, oh-so worth the wait.

Satisfaction and delight feels juuust right.
(PS…please purge responsibly. Deserving friends, charity shops, and shelters are much more practical than landfills.)
EVENT ANNOUNCEMENT:
Carrie & Danielle will be speaking and conducting Style Statements in Dallas April 5 – 8! Check out the Discovering the True You event, sponsored and hosted by Renee Rouleau: http://www.reneerouleau.com/Events/Events.aspx

black and me

I’ve had dreadlocks for a few years now. They’re uh, “dramatic”. (My Style Statement is Sacred Dramatic.) Around the time I dreaded my hair, I’d was just starting to lose weight from having my baby. I’d been spending a lot of time in big black t-shirts. And I was redefining my self in some ways.It was time to say goodbye to a lot of things, and that meant wearing black.

Something overtook me. I was channeling some fashion force that inspired me to expunge all things black from my wardrobe. Over the course of a few months, I hauled bags and boxes of black clothes, hair wraps, scarves, even shoes and hand bags, to the women’s charity shop. Cheap, expensive. Treasured, trivial. It all went.It was the best fashion move I ever made.

Black actually works with my skin. Technically speaking, I look good in it. (I know because both Carrie and I had a great “Style Profile” experience with image consultant Audrey Beaulac www.audreybeaulacstyle.com and black was a match for me.) But I stopped feeling good in it. Black was a cop out for me and it was due time to embrace ivories, and greens, and slates and mochas. Brown became my new black. It was a bit scary at first (how would I hide the chubs, and could I keep up with the extra laundering care that neutral tones require?!)

Bye-bye black, hello light and bright. Ahhhhh.

(BTW…I adore black as a home décor accent. I just painted our fire place brick a high-gloss, true black, and it looks like a magic space portal. Love it.)

having said thank you…

It’s Danielle, here — finally entering into our blog. We’ve delivered our Style Statement book to our publisher (pub date: Spring 2008!) We’ve just returned from NYC where we lit some fires to get our own TV show rolling. And now, we’re creating more space to do what we love the most: communicate and make beautiful things. So I’ll be here more, trying to do just that.

When we composed this week’s Friday Focus, “Thank You Speech”, I had my high school English teacher in mind. Mrs. Kathleen Mulvey. St. Anne’s High. She was a petit, strawberry blonde who did not suffer fools. She gave us To Kill a Mockingbird (still one of my favourites,) and Shakespeare and Orwell. But more importantly for me, she gave me a subtle and certain praise. Her kudos for me were without fanfare, I wasn’t centered out and no one was made to feel less-than. More than once, as the bell rang and we stampeded into the halls, she would quietly – and very intently say, “Danielle, that essay was very, very good.” No extra sugar, no gross favoritism. She could have been giving directions to the ladies room.

In final year they handed out awards for scholastic achievement at a banquet ceremony. The English award would go to the student with the highest grade – which was not me. My grammar was imperfect, sometimes my essays were late. But when the English award winner was announced, she quietly — and very intently leaned over to me and said, “I wanted to give that to you. You have the passion.” We both acted like she didn’t say it and fumbled with our dinner rolls. She had jumped out of character for a second, and gave me a gift that would stew in me for years.

I never went beyond high school. University held no appeal for me whatsoever. I found crazy jobs and I worked my way up and out and into my own gig. For much of my career, I worked alongside PhD’s and published authors. And I stretched, I jumped through hoops, I studied on my own. But I knew that for the most part, passion would get me where I wanted to go.

About twelve years out of high school, I wrote Mrs. Mulvey a letter, chancing that she’d still be teaching in the same school system. I thanked her profusely for acknowledging me. She wrote back. “I recognized your handwriting on the envelope,” she said. And again, very subtly, she let me know that I had been seen and heard.

Thank You Speech

“Everybody is a star. One big circle going round and round.”– Sly and the Family Stone 

 

The Oscars. The Grammies. The Pulitzer. The Nobel.
Maybe you’ve already practiced your speech. With a hairbrush-microphone, looking straight into the camera-mirror, you’ve thanked all the people who fostered you to glory. No doubt about it, your gown or tux would be front and center, but it’s your thank you speech that would ripple out for all to feel. 

Whether you’re standing at a podium, or in the middle of your very normal life, it’s likely taken a village of comrades, sages, and cheerleaders to get you to this moment.  

 

THIS WEEK: Imagine that you’re receiving the esteemed Gold Medal of Getting This Far. Who are you going to thank? The English teacher who told you she was moved by your essay? The boss who did you a big favor by firing you? The lover who helped you to see yourself in a whole new light?; or how about the people who are in your daily orbit, supporting you to shine with encouragement, or by managing the details, or getting dinner on the table.  

Make this somewhat ceremonious. If you have to track down someone from your past, if you need to toil over a letter or a phone call – do it. Expressing gratitude can be quite an intimate experience. Humility is like that. And humble stars go down in history.

Risk calculations.

“Security is mostly superstition.”
– Helen Keller
We recently met with a very successful business man for some advice about growing our company. The conversation quickly turned to perceptions of risk versus gain. “Early on in the company,” he told us, “I offered five employees lower salaries in exchange for stocks in the business. One of them took it, four of them declined.” (As it turns out, the four who declined were all women. They wanted more security.) That same company is now worth hundreds of millions of dollars.

THIS WEEK: Examine what feels scary, but invigorating to you…terrifying, but totally thrilling. Where do you pull back, when really, you’re longing to spread your wings? Now ask yourself: what would you be risking if you reached for the upside of that creative tension? We encourage you to peel that question like an onion. Ask it repeatedly, until what’s truly at risk becomes clear. We wager that fears associated with risk are rarely about money or physical comforts, and more often about how we’ll be perceived by others.

Exposure is the engine of risk. Sometimes what’s revealed is dramatic and sweeping, and sets huge effects in motion. And sometimes, a risk is the choice to share your idea, to live for the moment, or to let someone see you cry…or fly.

Win or lose, taking a risk will show you more of what you’re made of.

Pay day.

Reciprocity, noun:

§ given or felt by each toward the other; mutual: reciprocal respect. § mutual or cooperative interchange of favors or privileges. § benefit, consideration, earnings, honorarium, payment, payoff, premium, profit, reward, salt, satisfaction

We’re all for selfless giving – it’s a beautiful and transformative force of nature. But today, we’re encouraging you to be out rightly, gleefully self-centered. Play Chief Operating Officer of your life and take score.

THIS WEEK: 1. FUNCTION: Consider the value of what you create for others. An organized social calendar for your family. Peace of mind or direction for clients and coworkers. A profitable business that benefits many. A lovely home vibe. Sage advice. Punctuality. Tenderness and laughter. 2. FORM: What form of payment would you like to receive: greater revenue, public recognition, constructive feedback, a hug when you come home? Or perhaps some quiet time, a love note, or a simple but sincerely spoken ‘thank you’ would fill your boots. 3. SOURCE: Where do you want that reciprocity to come from? Your friends, family, boss, customers…or your self? If you don’t take yourself for granted, life is full of rewards.

SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT: STYLE STATEMENT GOES TO HOLLYWOOD! Style Statement Gift Certificates will be included in the Celebrity Gift collections at The Critics’ Choice Awards, the Access Hollywood Lounge for the Golden Globes® and the Independent Spirit Awards!

{If you’d like to share your thoughts, we’d love to hear them. You can do so on our blog: www.carrieanddanielle.wordpress.com}

What’s changed?

Change typically happens so gradually within us that we often forget to celebrate our very own evolution, let alone make it officially known to others. People change all the time and forget to tell each other.

THIS WEEK: Consider how you’ve changed last year, or over the years. And let it be known. Write out a change tally for yourself… “Stopped caring so much what the neighbors think; improved the energy of the living room by getting rid of that chair I never really liked; I now spend my money on experiences instead of stuff; I no longer tolerate criticism; I’m plenty more compassionate.”

Have a “How have we changed?” jam session with a good friend (this is an especially potent conversation to have with life partners.) Talk about what you’ve out grown, and come to know, and love, and leave behind. You may be amazed at who you’ve become.

And then ask yourself: what makes you change?
{If you’d like to share your thoughts, we’d love to hear them. You can do so on our blog: www.carrieanddanielle.wordpress.com}

Who’s There?: phone vibes

How do you answer the phone? Are you the Euro type: pick it up on the soonest possible ring, and quickly state your name, first name only – just the facts. Or the customer service type: “Hello, thank you so very much for calling this fine establishment, this is so ‘n so speaking, how may I be of tremendous assistance to you?” Or, are you the Rocky Balboa type: “Yo.”

What are you projecting when you pick up the receiver? How do you feel when you hear the phone ring? Annoyed? Excited? Anxious? Welcoming?

I’m a warm version of the Euro type. Ring. “This is Danielle.” I’m usually slightly annoyed when the phone rings. I’m writing, having a face-to-face conversation, or obsessively checking my email. Phone calls feel like an interruption. But I’m realizing that my subtle annoyance is probably a subtle blocker to possibly great opportunities. Like…new clients, media, friends, a laugh, a lesson – clarity.

So this week, I’m going to tune in before I pick up. I’m going to test my spidey senses to figure out if I know who’s calling. And I’m going to practice being fully available, and truly open-hearted to the opportunity dialing in.